Humor of High School French

Humor of High School French is from the book Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need.

Here is an excerpt from the chapter How to Speak a Foreign Language in Just 30 Minutes (Without Necessarily Having Any Idea What You Are Saying) pages 27-28.



Of course you probably think it’s hard to learn another language, because you spent years studying foreign languages in high school, and all you can remember is being forced to confiscate verbs and memorize those moronic dialogues wherein everybody seemed obsessed with furniture:

PIERRE:  Voici le bureau de mon oncle.  (“Here is the bureau of my uncle.”)

JAQUES:  Le bureau de votre oncle est right prochain de la table de ma tante.  (“The bureau of your uncle is right next to the table of my aunt.”)

MARIE:  Qui donne un merde?  (“Who gives a shit?”)


I took an estimated two thousand years of high school French, and when I finally got to France, I discovered that I didn’t know one single phrase that was actually useful in a real-life French situation.

I could say,

“Show me the fish of your brother Raoul,”

but I could not say, 

“Madame, if you poke me one more time with that umbrella I am going to jam it right up one of your primary nasal passages,”

which would have been extremely useful.





Easiest Languages have thousands of words similar to English, so:


“This is The Easiest Way to Begin Learning Foreign Languages.”


Helping More People Begin Foreign Languages The Easiest Way.






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