Humor of Phrase Book Sex

Humor of Phrase Book Sex is adapted from ‘Easy, Tiger’, a humorous article by David Sedaris from the New Yorker magazine of July 11, 2011.

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On the flight I turned to my phrase book.

The book was slim and palm-size, divided into short chapters: Banking, Shopping, Border Crossing.

The one titled ‘Romance’ included the following:

“Would you like a drink?”

“You’re a fantastic dancer.”

In the subchapter ‘Getting Closer,’ one learns to say,

“I like you very much.”

“You’re great.”

“Do you want a massage?”

On the following page, things heat up.

“I want you.”

“I want to make love to you.”

“How about going to bed?”

And, a line that might have been written especially for me,

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself.”

Oddly the writers haven’t included “Leave the light on,” a must if you want to actually SAY any of these things.

One pictures the vacationer naked on a bed, and squinting into his or her little book to moan,

“Oh yeah!”

“Easy, tiger,”

“Faster,”

“Harder,”

“Slower,”

“Softer.”

“That was ... amazing / weird / wild.”

“Can I stay over?”

In the following subchapter, it all falls apart:

“Are you seeing someone else?”

“He / She is just a friend.”

“You’re just using me for sex.”

“I don’t think it’s working out.”

And, finally,

“I never want to see you again.”

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